New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
