I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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