I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mouth tastes like poor choices
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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