You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
