I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
