Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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