youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
