real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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