And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
