Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
