you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
