my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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