planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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