I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
