one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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