Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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