If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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