Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
