sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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