I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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