she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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