he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
