i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
