i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
