he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The best revenge is premature balding
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
