Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Couch. On fire.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
