apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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