Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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