no, he came in my armpit
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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