remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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