I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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