Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
