2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
