Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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