I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
