are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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