I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
