dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
