i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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