On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
