yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
