I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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