**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
