Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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