Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
