I'm gonna have a badass scar
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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