In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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