Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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