I'm going to jail i love you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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