The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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