Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
