so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're a waste of cheezeits
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
