Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
