Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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