he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
