theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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