I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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