youre lurking in front of me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
