So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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