Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Where did you get a picture of my penis

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  (610): Where did you get a picture of my penis http://tfl.nu/yfi8
  Replies (11) Good night (1328) Bad night (743)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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  (218): I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted. http://tfl.nu/x30k
  Replies (12) Good night (3997) Bad night (764)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

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  (204): between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/u2b0
  Replies (28) Good night (1074) Bad night (4747)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

  (206): View more from Washington

  Or, you could have used a condom

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  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
  Replies (35) Good night (1270) Bad night (6968)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

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  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (9544) Bad night (1246)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.

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  (785): Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible. http://tfl.nu/7cn6
  Replies (12) Good night (5543) Bad night (1139)
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  (707): View more from California

  I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet

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  (707): I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet http://tfl.nu/0aqf
  Replies (10) Good night (1818) Bad night (3580)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.

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  (203): Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being. http://tfl.nu/247a
  Replies (13) Good night (3795) Bad night (1483)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...

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  (507): I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though... http://tfl.nu/ukj5
  Replies (5) Good night (1381) Bad night (517)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.

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  (541): Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me. http://tfl.nu/hakv
  Replies (13) Good night (1036) Bad night (797)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.

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  (313): She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home. http://tfl.nu/iyq0
  Replies (5) Good night (1503) Bad night (777)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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  (202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7
  Replies (9) Good night (1587) Bad night (706)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.

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  (+44): By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder. http://tfl.nu/khml
  Replies (4) Good night (660) Bad night (836)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager

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  (717): showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager http://tfl.nu/8w75
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (313)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor

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  (636): Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/1h6i
  Replies (0) Good night (161) Bad night (316)

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