im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode