All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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