Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?