are you wasted or are you getting laid?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
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just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it