do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.