i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.