he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
