my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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