Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
