There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
