WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I still have a little drunk in my system
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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