I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize