I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
