I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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